You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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