i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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