3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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