My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
