You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
