I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
