Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
