ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
