she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
