Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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