I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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