you're like a bully in the Christmas story
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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