Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
