Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
