If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
