I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
