It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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