They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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