one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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