Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
