Porn is love you can see.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
