okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
