I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
