so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is Oprah even human
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
