Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
