i'm signing you up for texting rehab
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
