i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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