just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
