It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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