Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
