his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
