There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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