Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
