it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
