If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You made out with two different species that night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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