I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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