I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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