4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
