I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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