Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
