Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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