I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
