Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
