My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
