The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
