stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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