I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
