just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
