I'm going to jail i love you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
