Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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