I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
