dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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