I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
