I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
