Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
