I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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