Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
