I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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