Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
