Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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