She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
And then he peed in my hair
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